Highschool: Raging Hormones, Judgement & Growing-up

Life is hard enough as it is, sometimes because we make it that way and sometimes it is just the universes plan. Whether you believe in a God or not doesn’t change the things that happen to you, karma still exists. Karma may not always be on your side, but that’s what life is about. Turning a negative into a positive, even if you have to cry and scream a little.

As a teenager I can tell you first hand that it’s not easy, but nothing is. Things only become easy when we love unconditionally or never stop working hard. As a teenager who is semi-crazy I can tell you that I have been incredibly lucky in my life. Despite what all the movies say, you don’t have to drink, smoke or be a slut to have friends. I have never been bullied in my life, and until this year, I was quiet, shy, reserved and kept most things to myself. I have always been honest but never as open as I am now. Learning to appreciate myself and to count on my own has made me realize what I want. However, with that positive comes a massive Pandora’s Box of negatives that have been weighing me down.

What I want. I learnt this year to do whatever the hell I wanted and to have no regrets. That was the best thing for me, honestly. But now that I’ve changed so drastically so has my life plans. Since I was 4, my dream was to become a vet. I worked hard, kept my grades up and made sure I topped in science. But then something changed, a few years ago I became depressed when the most precious thing to me on the entire planet, passed. I was in a state of depression for 2 years and barely anyone knew. Then rumors started to circle that I was on anti-depressants, which to be honest, wouldn’t have been a bad thing. It was hard to lie so much to my friends, my best friends who had always been there for me. For some reason I didn’t 100% trust them. I didn’t know why until this year, it was because I didn’t and I learnt to pick and choose only the ones that I did, because I was starting my IGCSE journey and I dint have time to wonder about if someone would be offended if I didn’t tell them my life story.

That is why being teenager is hard for most people. Everything you don consumes you, and that is totally not a bad thing, we just have to remember to look before we jump. That’s not always possible and if we do forget sometimes it might be okay but just do what makes you happy.

Do what makes you happy. That has always been my mind set. But that was when I used to know 99% what I wanted to do, who I wanted to be and where I wanted to go. Sure, I’ve had doubts when tests got hard and people became rude and said I could never. From them on I made it my mission to prove them all wrong, and I did, but in doing so I realized that, that was not what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. It was horrifying. It was a slap in the face and right around the time I was finishing middle school and choosing subjects that would determine my high school career and eventually my real one. I was terrified, and it didn’t help that I couldn’t tell anyone. My pride took over and I embarrassed, but I wasn’t embarrassed like that. If someone asked I told them that my mind had changed, however, I couldn’t convince myself to forgive myself. For some odd reason, I was angry, pissed at myself. Furious at how I had given up after 10 years. I wanted to die, I felt like it was the end. Then it hit me, when you’re a teen, everything feels like the end, but with the help of my sister, Lesley, I learned that it’s really not. She helped me move on and move past not only feeling like a failure, but treating myself like one. With my confidence boost this year, I embraced everything. While it’s still a touchy subject for me to talk about, I’m now completely open to new paths and even though I now have no idea what I want to do or where I want to go, I do know 2 things. I know who I want to be, and I also know who I DON’T want to be.

High school has truly been the best year of my life. (Only a few weeks into my second year actually) So yes, I’m a ‘sophomore’ and I love it. School is good, for the first time in a long time. While I still have my down days where I rant and vent, that’s what keeps us sane. I want to be a person who people appreciate for my wit and charm and my genuine stupidity, which is, oh so real. I don’t want to be a hypocrite or a judgmental person because I despise those people. I’m not saying that I’ve never said something wrong or done something wrong, I’m saying that every day I learn from my mistakes is that I make less stupid ones the next day.

So I guess what I’m saying is, trust me when I tell you that I get what you’re going through. Obviously no one is going to get you 100% but treat the people who are there for you no matter what with some serious respect because trust me, again,, they are going to have to put up with some insane shit, but if they are really there for you, they might slap you, but they’ll always be there to hug you. High school drama plus hormones makes for a mad four years, but if you find even a single, minute piece of who you  are , what you want to do or who you want to be, be happy. Take every moment in because before you know it, it’ll be graduation day, and you’ll be crying your eyes out… I for sure know that I will be.

Be who you are with no shame but remember that change in inevitable…and sometimes when you change, you have to leave some people behind. It’ll be sad but that is the way high school is. But remember, if you have 1 friend who makes up for 5 mediocre friends, you haven’t lost out on anything; you have just gained knowledge about YOUR life. Remember, this is YOUR life, live it so that if you are to die at a moment, you are to die knowing that you put your love into the world, and that you lived a happy life, for you.

Summer is finally here!

Summer, the lights, the music, the friends, the freedom and the memories. These are the things that make summer the best time of the year. Middle school is nothing compared to high school. We are older, more confident, more mature and a bit cheekier. The best stories in our old age will come from the fun we have in our youth. Genuine fun, the good times that we will actually remember in the morning are my favourite.

Instagram, Twitter and Snapchat are fun but I want to keep my memories close to my heart and not just on my screen. Put your phone away, leave the music on shuffle, and make some memories that are just yours that no one else knows about. Climb onto the roof; get in the back of a truck with a couple friends and some tents (or sleeping bags.) Talk all night, look at the stars, feel the fresh air instead of just watching a movie and prank calling all night!

Surround yourself with good people, people you fully trust. If you don’t like something, say something about it. If you don’t like someone, leave; don’t spend another second not being true to you. Don’t hurt people just for fun and don’t say things you don’t mean. A single second you fight is a second of amazing memories that you have just lost out on. Have a blast, go  crazy, but think before you act. Be kind and compassionate, not ruthless and rude. Be someone who you would want to hang around.

Lazy days are the best after a long, hard, grueling school year. However, it only feels amazing if you have worked for it. Don’t spend your entire summer sleeping and wasting the days away because the days can hold just as many secrets as the nights. Feel your soul come alive, dance all night, sing all day and love every moment of your life.

Take it all in, soak in every moment. Don’t think about the previous day or the next day. Stay in the present, let it suck you in. Stop dying to jump into the next ‘fun’ day because soon you’ll just be dying and realize that you missed it all. You kept dying to move on that you never really lived and you will just be dying, wishing that you took more risks, did what YOU wanted to do and took it all in.

You only have one life so enjoy it, every breath you take should make you feel something. You should be excited to wake up and jump out of bed, excited to crawl back into bed, every moment that your heart beats you should feel it in your bones. Every second you should tingle inside, have a sparkle in your eye and not be able to stop smiling.

You should feel beautiful, confident in your own skin. Not just for the summer but for your whole life. However, summer means no school, no peer pressure which makes it easier for you to work on you and your flaws that you want to change. You don’t have to face the judgment of other people for 6-8 hours a day. These 60 days are yours, all yours. They are what you make them, so make the best days for you.

Don’t care about what anyone thinks about you, other than yourself. Take a break, breathe, look at the world. Go back to school confident, more confident than the year before, better yourself so that you eventually accept yourself 100% and you live for no one but you.

Summer is a short holiday, but it’s what keeps us motivated the entire year. Take a minute or two out of these 60 days to reflect on your school year. How much hard work you put it and what you got out of it. If you are truly happy, then so be it. If you are not, work at it, nothing is perfect. Keep working until you get to the place that you want to be. It can be for hours every day or for a few minutes every week. Just know that you tried your best and worked your hardest for the next year because the harder you work now, the better you will  feel later. Also, remember, that you are not just an award, not just a number and most certainly not just a letter. An C makes you no less of a person. It just means one of two things; you haven’t gotten to where you want to be or that you are content being where you are and you are happy. If you aren’t happy, keep working and kick life in the ass, prove everyone wrong and prove yourself right. If you are happy, smile, keep your head up and don’t let anyone drag you down into the mud with them.

Summer is the best time of the year so do what makes you happy, make the best of the days because no one knows when the bus is coming. If you care about someone, tell them. If they make you smile, tell them. If you are happy, shout it from the roof tops. Summer is your month/s to learn and grow on your own or with your friends and family. Make it yours and make it count because summers end, people change but your memories are forever.

[As a tip, write a journal or have a photo album because when old age comes, and believe me, it will, you will never remember as much as you once did so it is always good to have a keepsake to spark those memories, so you’ll never EVER forget.]

Be safe, stay strong and be happy. Make it yours and make it count. Feel your soul come alive every single damn second, that is the only way to truly live.