Life is hard enough as it is, sometimes because we make it that way and sometimes it is just the universes plan. Whether you believe in a God or not doesn’t change the things that happen to you, karma still exists. Karma may not always be on your side, but that’s what life is about. Turning a negative into a positive, even if you have to cry and scream a little.
As a teenager I can tell you first hand that it’s not easy, but nothing is. Things only become easy when we love unconditionally or never stop working hard. As a teenager who is semi-crazy I can tell you that I have been incredibly lucky in my life. Despite what all the movies say, you don’t have to drink, smoke or be a slut to have friends. I have never been bullied in my life, and until this year, I was quiet, shy, reserved and kept most things to myself. I have always been honest but never as open as I am now. Learning to appreciate myself and to count on my own has made me realize what I want. However, with that positive comes a massive Pandora’s Box of negatives that have been weighing me down.
What I want. I learnt this year to do whatever the hell I wanted and to have no regrets. That was the best thing for me, honestly. But now that I’ve changed so drastically so has my life plans. Since I was 4, my dream was to become a vet. I worked hard, kept my grades up and made sure I topped in science. But then something changed, a few years ago I became depressed when the most precious thing to me on the entire planet, passed. I was in a state of depression for 2 years and barely anyone knew. Then rumors started to circle that I was on anti-depressants, which to be honest, wouldn’t have been a bad thing. It was hard to lie so much to my friends, my best friends who had always been there for me. For some reason I didn’t 100% trust them. I didn’t know why until this year, it was because I didn’t and I learnt to pick and choose only the ones that I did, because I was starting my IGCSE journey and I dint have time to wonder about if someone would be offended if I didn’t tell them my life story.
That is why being teenager is hard for most people. Everything you don consumes you, and that is totally not a bad thing, we just have to remember to look before we jump. That’s not always possible and if we do forget sometimes it might be okay but just do what makes you happy.
Do what makes you happy. That has always been my mind set. But that was when I used to know 99% what I wanted to do, who I wanted to be and where I wanted to go. Sure, I’ve had doubts when tests got hard and people became rude and said I could never. From them on I made it my mission to prove them all wrong, and I did, but in doing so I realized that, that was not what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. It was horrifying. It was a slap in the face and right around the time I was finishing middle school and choosing subjects that would determine my high school career and eventually my real one. I was terrified, and it didn’t help that I couldn’t tell anyone. My pride took over and I embarrassed, but I wasn’t embarrassed like that. If someone asked I told them that my mind had changed, however, I couldn’t convince myself to forgive myself. For some odd reason, I was angry, pissed at myself. Furious at how I had given up after 10 years. I wanted to die, I felt like it was the end. Then it hit me, when you’re a teen, everything feels like the end, but with the help of my sister, Lesley, I learned that it’s really not. She helped me move on and move past not only feeling like a failure, but treating myself like one. With my confidence boost this year, I embraced everything. While it’s still a touchy subject for me to talk about, I’m now completely open to new paths and even though I now have no idea what I want to do or where I want to go, I do know 2 things. I know who I want to be, and I also know who I DON’T want to be.
High school has truly been the best year of my life. (Only a few weeks into my second year actually) So yes, I’m a ‘sophomore’ and I love it. School is good, for the first time in a long time. While I still have my down days where I rant and vent, that’s what keeps us sane. I want to be a person who people appreciate for my wit and charm and my genuine stupidity, which is, oh so real. I don’t want to be a hypocrite or a judgmental person because I despise those people. I’m not saying that I’ve never said something wrong or done something wrong, I’m saying that every day I learn from my mistakes is that I make less stupid ones the next day.
So I guess what I’m saying is, trust me when I tell you that I get what you’re going through. Obviously no one is going to get you 100% but treat the people who are there for you no matter what with some serious respect because trust me, again,, they are going to have to put up with some insane shit, but if they are really there for you, they might slap you, but they’ll always be there to hug you. High school drama plus hormones makes for a mad four years, but if you find even a single, minute piece of who you are , what you want to do or who you want to be, be happy. Take every moment in because before you know it, it’ll be graduation day, and you’ll be crying your eyes out… I for sure know that I will be.
Be who you are with no shame but remember that change in inevitable…and sometimes when you change, you have to leave some people behind. It’ll be sad but that is the way high school is. But remember, if you have 1 friend who makes up for 5 mediocre friends, you haven’t lost out on anything; you have just gained knowledge about YOUR life. Remember, this is YOUR life, live it so that if you are to die at a moment, you are to die knowing that you put your love into the world, and that you lived a happy life, for you.